If your serious about losing the love handles, would you be better off on the H plan as opposed to the F plan? Bare with me.
The case for…
Dieting is not a social activity.
I don’t care what the propagandists at Weightwatchers try to convince us. Their adverts may portray groups of jolly chubbies in garish coloured pashminas enjoying 125ml glasses of white wine spritzers. But the reality is; you pushing a limp salad around your plate whilst your mates scoff roasted swan kebabs and quaff chocolate champagne.
Drugs on the other hand do tend to bring people together. Under what other context would an public school graduate, a media consultant and a convicted felon be enjoying a friendly chat in a bathroom at 3am?
Dieting is a lonely insular activity, and dieters are never fun people to be around, unlike junkies. who at least have occasional episodes of narcotic fueled chirpiness.
Yes we all know drug addict can also be a bit annoying after the funny, crazy, anarchist rants subside and the paranoid, locking themselves in the toilet with a breadknife takes over, but dieters are soooo whiny. And whilst it’s ok to tell a stoner to ‘get real and sober up’. It’s not acceptable (apparently) to tell a dieter to ‘eat some cake and stop whinging’.
Art and education.
Think of all the songs and… erm, more songs, which have been created whilst the writers were floating over their cocaine laden coffee tables. Now name me one snappy tune inspired by Snackajacks.
Can Ryvita spawn art?
No, it can’t.
Bill Hicks also argues that drugs give the users the opportunity to acquire new skills such as carpentry and origami in the construction of increasingly intricate bongs and splifs.
The case against:
OK so Ryvita never spawned art but..
Dieters soon hone their mathematical mind to Millenium Prize standard as they calculate fat intake. Not just the conventional maths of counting calories, but also an advanced form of theoretical calculus involving complex equations, such as
2(t+w)= sr + hs
which carefully balances the calorific intake of 2 cups of tea and 2 glasses of wine with the burn effect of doing the school run in heavy shoes.
Drug taking isn’t really socially acceptble.
In only a few professions is drug induced unreliability celebrated, maybe only in music, movies and education. But in the real world, nobody is going to think that it’s ok to be too wasted to do your job.
You’re unlikely ever to hear, “I’m afraid Geoff won’t be able to attend the meeting today because he’s so high he’s sitting on his kitchen floor contemplating the genius of Leonard Cohen and eating raw cous cous. But hey, it’s shit like that which makes him such a great quantity surveyor, man.”
Dieters on the otherhand is a more acceptable form of self-harming behaviour. – I would like to say that dieters slip under the radar, but the fact is everyone knows you’re dieting by all the twitching when in proximity of carbs.