In Shreds

Shredded paper
My life in shreds, now all it needs is a layer of chicken crap.

Today I am shredding paper to use in the chicken coop.

This week I worked out that we spend nearly £4 a month on hay for the coop, when we could use (free) shredded paper, the idea of saving an impressive £50 per annum fired me up with the zealousy zeal of a zealot and I immediately rushed out and bought the cheapest shredder I could find. So today I am shredding paper. If you’ve ever shredded vast quantities of paper for a chicken coop using the cheapest shredder you could find, then like me you may have reached two conclusions very quickly.

1)      Deducting the cost of the shredder from your annual £50 saving, may well leave a substantial £40 saving, however if you also factor in labour costs the saving becomes a loss of around £60 p/a. Even based on minimum wage and lots of tea breaks.

2)      Cheap paper shredders are the mechanical manifestation of Satan on earth.

I wouldn’t mind if the job was just boring, but what’s getting me down is the mounting sense of failure as sheet, by sheet I destroy every excited plan, enthusiastic ambition and revolutionary project I have fruitlessly embarked on over the past several years.

I’ve learnt more Spanish vocabulary in the 20 minutes it has taken me to grind up the ‘Simple Steps to Spanish Success’ course, than I did in the fortnight I threw myself into it. I’ve got countless how-to guides printed off the internet, a few abandoned screenplays and lots of knitting patterns. At least I did actually get round to crocheting a pair of slippers- I wonder if they would fit the chickens?

On the plus side, the evidence would suggest that I am trying to become a better person. I suppose if the road to hell is indeed paved with good intentions, then at least I know where I’m going, because at the moment it feels like I’m getting nowhere.

Anyway, the shredder has decided it’s going to start working again now, so I have a few minutes feeding the beast before I embark on another life-changing do-it-yourself  journey. What will it be? Dressmaking? Learn guitar? Dry stone walling? Or perhaps DIY divorce, as I’m pretty sure I just accidentally shredded my marriage certificate.


One thought on “In Shreds

  1. The best type of zeal! Funny though… lighting fires back home with week old newspapers caused me to be much more up-to-date with week old news than I ever was a week earlier. The unexpected boons of recycling!

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