7 bits you may have missed this week

  1. Godfrey Bloom (this bloke)

    Godfrey Bloom
    Godfrey Bloom –

…is quitting Ukip because it’s too politically correct. That may sound like an odd thing to say, but this is the fella who uses phrases like ‘bongo bongo land’ and calls women ‘sluts’. Saying odd things is really Mr Bloom’s ‘thing’ and apparently even Ukip have its limits.

Tell you what Mr Bloom join the Tories.

cameron poses with blackface dancers

They don’t give a shit.

Yes, that it the Prime Minister pictured with some ‘blacked up’ Morris dancers.

To be fair to the Morris dancers the black-face thing is an old tradition to do with obscuring their identity, rather than the horrendously racist thing it initially looks like. –Still, I’d suggest it’s one of those little traditions you probably want to knock on the head now, ok guys? Like all those people who go on about swastikas being an ancient Celtic good luck symbol, or this guy…

imagesSMROUZTL

Sometimes you just have to accept, times have changed.

To be fair to the PM, if someone asks for a selfie, it must be tricky to say, ‘No way, you look like a bunch of bigot clowns, but can I still rely on your vote?’ and on the plus side, at least now the prime minister has one picture where he looks the least like a bigot clown.

I also like the little touch of carrying the toddler. Like a human shield against hatred. Nice try Dave, but this it still pretty far from being an Athena poster.

2.

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I always thought there was something a bit ‘off’ about that Hitler bloke.

3.

David Cameron has decided something must be done about ‘coasting’ schools in affluent areas which are doing ok, but should be doing better. Clearly the PM (who is currently looking for a school for his daughter in an affluent middle class area), sees this as a massive problem. He’s not said much about problems like this:

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or this…

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or this…

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But then his kids are not likely to go to those schools, so who cares? No, those middle-class schools where the kids have shoes and no-one gets stabbed, they desperately need our help.

3. Hey, guys stop murdering your mums.  Write poetry or something instead (not that I’m condoning  poetry).

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4.

MacDonald’s try an interesting ‘Our food is not quite as disgusting as you think it is’ campaign.

7

‘Hey, that the pink slime stuff has nothing to do with us… (ahem) any more. And sure, technically we use the same chemicals in our buns as you’d find in a yoga mat, but it’s not like it’s a used yoga mat, that’d be gross.

They also admit to using anti-foaming agent in their chicken nuggets and using beef treated with hormones, but I won’t dwell in this stuff  because a) we all know the rumours about MacDonald’s and I don’t need to repeat them because, b) they might hound me down and sue my ass off.

I actually kind of admire MacDonald’s for (finally) coming clean about what’s in their food. Now I wonder how many of us will admit that we don’t care, because frankly it is tasty and cheap and we’ll eat anything if you slather on enough mayonnaise. Also we’d basically feed our kids rat nuggets as long as you stick a plastic toy in the box so we get 5 minutes peace

5.

Farts are still pretty much the funniest thing ever. FACT.

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6.

Prison is horrible. But perhaps not quite as bad a being shot to death in a bathroom? #justsayin’

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7.

We all know how hard it is to arrange a party, but the broadcasters arranging the televised debates seem to be screwing up royally.

10

ITV: Dave and Ed are in obvs, what about Dave’s partner Nick?

BBC: Might be a bit awkward now they’re splitting up?

Channel 4: That boorish tosser Farage seems to have wangled himself an invitation thanks to Clacton so I suppose he’ll have to be there.

BBC: Great, can Jeremy Clarkson come too?

Channel 4: No, but if we’re inviting Farage, shouldn’t Nathalie Bennett of the Green party have a place?

SKY: Oh, give it a rest hippies. Let one chick in and they’ll all be wanting a say.

Channel 5: I have literally no idea what we’re talking about.

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